What’s the Hardest Part?

What’s the hardest part? The hardest part is not knowing why. We didn’t understand at first what the doctors meant by “the baby apparently stopped growing at 15 weeks”. We …continue

The Neverknown

The cemetery where he is buried has the ample dimensions of a public park and the elegance of a painted landscape: horizons disappearing around gently curved roads, sloping hills, marble …continue

K is for Kite

I didn’t want to be on earth any longer.  We had received the devastating news that after doing the cooling cap therapy, nothing had changed.  “I’m so sorry,” Dr. Tannenbaum’s …continue

She Lived

What tangible evidence is there that she lived? What proof is there that she existed? What will express in words the true value of her life? Who can prove beyond …continue

Elam and Zoey

The days leading up to and including July 26th, 2014 are days that will be with me for the rest of my life. In April we were surprised to find …continue

Mother’s Day Mourning

Mother’s Day was an unforgettable one. I am rarely at a loss for words. But this experience has left me speechless at times. However, I want to share our story …continue

Milo’s Story

January 11th, at about 5 am, I rolled over in bed and felt a warm gush from between my legs, soaking my underwear and my sheets. My immediate, elated reaction …continue

Hello and Goodbye

Baby’s Name: Layla Malcolm Kocsis Date of Birth: 11/11/13 Original Due Date: 12/12/13 Weeks Pregnant: 35+4 Baby’s Weight: 6lb 9oz Baby’s Length: 19 in Photos: https://seatosm.exposure.so/hello-and-goodbye On Monday, November 11th, I …continue

Reconceiving Trying Again

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Kane

To me, Kane was more than just an unborn baby within me. He was more than just my son. He was a lifetime of late night talks, “some days” and …continue

Awakening

So there I was. Sobbing in the shower. Asking God to please do “something”.  I was a typical twenty nine year old wife and mother of two with a million …continue

Love and Loss

My husband, James, and I met in December of 2003. Then friends, we had no idea what a wonderful and horrendously sad adventure that friendship would turn out to be. …continue

Following Loss

When I look at family photographs, I am sometimes struck as much by absence as by presence. I hasten to add that I do not mean this in a morbid …continue

Always With Me

January 31, 2009 the day I will never forget. I was rushed to the ER, I was bleeding at 7 weeks pregnant. The ER physician told me I had a …continue

Father’s Day and Baby Loss

The German poet Friedrich Ruckert once wrote: “O you, refuge of your father/light of joy/extinguished all too soon” in reference to the death of his child. Following the stillbirth of …continue