Back to school. It’s the season of hope and new beginnings. One of the things that I’ve been hearing a lot this time of year is about the parallel of time. Seeing pictures of fifth graders (or name the age group) on Facebook starting a new school year can bring up thoughts about the baby that was lost as these children are the same age peers. These pictures are innocent, and can also remind us unexpectedly about what we don’t have. They are reminders of the memories that we are not making right now. This can lead to feelings of grief, sometimes in full force or perhaps not as strong.
This can be the season when we need to call on our tools for coping. Maybe that’s giving yourself a break from Facebook, tapping into your creativity and creating something, talking to a friend, checking in with a therapist, reframing the incident, or countless other ways of easing this possibly bump. It would be OK to express your feelings, which might (as always) be part of a range. Or maybe you didn’t notice for the first time. That’s OK too.
As we travel further from our losses in time, we relate to them differently. This doesn’t mean that they cease to be meaningful to us or that we’ve “moved on” and forgotten. Rather, we look at them through a different lens and other experiences that we’ve accumulated. This can also be surprising. For many, the angelversary has been a tense milestone. With time, some people even forget the date, and yet around that time, they might feel sad and can’t put a finger on why. As time goes by, other dates and events might become more meaningful. You might relate to pregnant women or infants differently.
Through your loss, what are aspects of hope that you see? How do you imagine your relationship to your loss might evolve?