I had a miscarriage four months ago and I really don’t want to have sex with my husband/partner. He thinks I am avoiding sex and I guess I am. How can I let him know that I still love him?
Too often, sex and intimacy are seen as the same thing, as sometimes, sex is an expression of intimacy. But intimacy and expressing intimacy can be more complex. A pregnancy loss (no matter when it occurs) can be seen as a reproductive trauma, as it was not what was “supposed” to happen. Healing from trauma can take some time. Often, since men tend to be witnesses to the trauma rather than experience it directly, they have the tendency to have difficulty understanding how a few months later, you aren’t “over it.” (This is a generalization, of course). Expressing your love and being intimate with your partner can take a variety of forms: here are some ideas:
- tell him!
- write it down
- offer kisses
- offer touch (massage is a great way to do so)
- see a movie he wants to see
You get the idea…
Dr. Julie Bindeman is a clinical psychologist specializing in reproduction and parenthood who has worked in outpatient settings, private practices, and universities, including Marymount, Johns Hopkins, and Loyola.